Feeling Heart Broken

Why does heartbreak hurt so much? It is like going through a tsunami of feelings: anger, grief, sadness, regret, shame and so on. In addition, it is difficult to get the needed support; either you get a lot of unsolicited advice, “I told you so” comments or “time will heal” sentiments. 

Meanwhile, the pain is so engulfing that we are neglecting our self-care, commitments, and may actually feel physical discomfort and bodily aches.

How to Cope with a Broken Heart

There are several things to implement on your own to manage this difficult period. First, studies have shown that exercise can produce significant improvements in depression, anxiety, and self-concept. Implementing a structured schedule, good sleep hygiene and balanced diet will also help. 

Second, rebuilding your support system is key. Sometimes we have neglected or grown apart from key people while in a serious relationship due to time constraints and conflicting priorities. Reconnecting with people who are caring and supportive will feel healing and rewarding.

Third, reinvesting in yourself such as discovering new hobbies or revitalizing prior interests that were put aside during the relationship. Sometimes we “lose ourselves” in relationships and forget to keep up with our cherished hobbies especially if our partner doesn’t share our same interests. 

Lastly, I recommend staying away from alcohol, substances and any other highly addictive behaviors (internet shopping, etc) during this time. When there is a sudden shift in the level of safety and love in our life, this leaves a hole which can easily be filled with unhealthy tendencies.

Unrequited Love and Idealization of the Lost Lover

Some of us are plagued with an almost obsessive thought pattern about the ex-partner and can’t get past being rejected and/or we are idealizing the ex to the point where we only recall the good characteristics and don’t have a balanced view.

Click here for a link to read a published article which I helped to contribute with other professionals for tips on how to heal a broken heart.

Using EMDR therapy, there is a special protocol to ease the obsessive thought pattern and move on. As an EMDR therapist, I have found this can lessen the consuming thoughts and the client will gain a more realistic view of the ex and the relationship.

Support

If you have tried the coping mechanisms and don’t feel relief, pursuing individual therapy can provide assistance. I have been told by clients that it helps to have an objective, third party view of the past relationship and a safe place to process the pain.

It is also beneficial to be held accountable for implementing healthier behaviors to get through the loss. 

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