What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is letting go and moving on.  Forgiveness is NOT excusing painful acts committed against you or those you love. 

We need to let go of the idea that if we stay angry and constantly ruminate about it, the person who wronged us will realize how badly they treated us - which of course rarely happens. 

To be released from the heavy feeling and regain the possibility of trust and closeness is the ultimate goal.

Common Behaviors that Get in the Way

Some of us sterilize our life by completely removing all physical reminders of the pain and try to force the healing that way, which does not work.

Defining our life by what they did will only increase the pain. Bitterness and resentment will only keep us stuck. 

Eventually we develop trust issues which will drive “good” people away and not necessarily keep away the few who shouldn’t be trusted.

Importance of Letting Go

Letting go allows us to make that person a lesser force in our life. If not, the negative feelings keep us attached to that person. 

Most importantly, we make the decision that we will survive and take away the power from the one(s) who hurt us. 

Pertaining to Trauma and Abuse

Special consideration is needed regarding forgiveness while working with victims of trauma and/or abuse. According to Francine Shapiro (creator of EMDR therapy), forgiveness should not be mandated or controlled and the EMDR therapist should allow it to emergence spontaneously when (and if) it is ready to do so. 

Offer of Support

As a therapist, I offer a safe place to process past hurts and help with this process. I offer several book suggestions for clients to read on their own as well. Please click here to make an appointment.

If you have religious beliefs, please also refer to those resources to help in your journey.