Dating After Divorce

Why is dating after divorce so difficult?  Unfortunately, studies show that marriages are especially vulnerable when both people had previous marriages and additionally when the new union involves children from those previous marriages.  There are a myriad of factors making these post-divorce relationships difficult.

Unresolved Issues

Some of us fell into unhealthy behavioral patterns for years with our prior partner which some of those coping mechanisms were useful to survive the past relationship but now don’t work well in the dating world. Many of my clients have read the book on love languages but I feel most important is to learn what our attachment style is: Secure, Anxious or Avoidant. This can help us understand how we emotionally attach to partners and what our triggers are. I recommend individual therapy to explore your attachment style.

Lack of Middle Ground 

Couples in first marriages have the luxury of the “honeymoon” phase that provides a sanctuary to develop their rhythm, create rituals and solve problems together. However, recoupling adults have to navigate their new relationship with the biological adult-child subsystem where there are already established rules, priorities and ways of resolving conflict. Sometimes we fantasize the differences aren’t a big deal or at the other extreme, we may go to “war” over polarizing differences which can make one feel like an “outsider”. 

Support

I offer individual therapy for divorce recovery that focuses on relationship skills such as managing conflict, growing intimacy/friendship and dealing with unsolvable problems.

What better way to improve the success of a new, meaningful relationship by improving our communication skills, un-learning unhealthy habits and gaining hope for a happy future.